Just a collection of miscellaneous thoughts that have been going through my head :]
I have been getting more hours at work, which is good but it means I have less time for hobbies, especially because I can be bad at time management. My job is not so terrible, my bosses are pretty chill, my coworkers are usually chill, and I'm getting better at dealing with customers. Sometimes I don't want to get off work cuz I get home, I have nothing I'm forced to do, and I start thinking too much.
I have been extremely stressed out about the election, and the future in general. I've finally gotten to a pretty good place in life, relatively at least, and am making plans for the future, and it's all so close to falling apart. I tend to be prone to excessive rumination anyway so the uncertainty is killing me. I don't want to commit to stuff and then have to abandon it. I'm bad about sticking to plans anyway, like I can be incredibly motivated and stubborn if I really believe in what I'm doing, but most of the time I'm just too tired and jaded to be passionate about most things. I think next year if things go okay, I'll try to get an associates degree or something. I have trouble imagining myself getting through a four year degree, that just sounds like way too much rn.
To cope with the stress, in my free time I have been playing Project Zomboid for hours. Soon I'll actually be good at it =P I love that there is a lot of flexibility to how you play it. I have a few mods installed: one that adds bicycles, two to add more clothing choices + skeleton finger gloves (priorities lmao), The Only Cure, Functional Appliances, and one that lets me beat zombies back to death with my bare hands. That one's my favorite lol. I usually play with the Strong trait + multihit cuz I love just fuckin up every zombie I see. I end up getting swarmed and dying a lot. =| I also bought Fallout 3 and Fallout New Vegas during the Steam summer sale, but I haven't gotten around to playing them.
I started studying Spanish again after a long break (I haven't really been consistent about it since last fall). We get a lot of customers at work who don't speak English super well so it would be useful for me to improve. Speaking scares the shit out of me tbh but I guess the only way to get more comfortable with it is to speak more. Maybe I'll start posting journals in Spanish (not here but I think there's a subreddit for that, and folks will correct your mistakes. I don't remember what it's called.)
Also fuck Reddit holy shit. I occasionally open r/all and immediately regret it, the amount of propaganda is disgusting. I have to wonder how all those posts got on the front page in the first place, but I guess I already know the answer, it's been shown many times that Reddit's voting system is easy as hell to game, and for cheap. Dead Internet and all that. The rampant ableism and other isms and phobias get to me as well. People will claim to be progressive and then slutshame Republican women or insult Republican men for not being masculine enough, like at some point you're not calling out hypocrisy, you're just straight up being a bigot. And God forbid these people encounter someone diagnosed with a personality disorder or psychosis or anything. The world feels so lonely sometimes.
Now for the weather. It has been so fucking hot!! The only times it cools down is when it storms. I enjoy the rain but it means I haven't been able to go for walks and stuff much like I used to during the spring/winter/fall. Maybe I need to start going just before dawn or something. But I can't go shopping then cuz everything's still closed. I saw some DVDs at the thrift store the other day, I was gonna get them the next time I went, but they're probably not there anymore. Anyway. I'm fixin to get something to eat and then I'm gonna go to bed.